Sometimes you just have to give it a whirl...

Happy Friday!
I've been craving creativity lately. Itching to create. 

My inner critic has been working overtime, though (skeptical thing that she is).

So I made her sit down and watch this:

video by the talented Jen Gray

p.s. We're off to see Up! this afternoon.  Because it's rainy. And because it's Friday. And because why do we even need to have a reason?

Get me to a nunnery?

I am, at heart, a bit of a loner.  That’s not to say I don’t enjoy a good friendship or gathering or love my people or crave connection.  But, it’s true, if I were banished to a desert island somewhere, upon receiving the news I would happily get up, say a little too cheerfully “Really?” and run to pack my things.  I don’t mind alone time is all I’m saying.

In fact, when I used to read about someone sentenced to jail time (or even solitary confinement) I felt a teensy bit jealous of all that quality time & mused “Eh…that wouldn’t be so bad…especially if I had my own cell” (sharing a cell? Not so much).  In another place (and religion) I might have been well suited to the nunnery.

I trace this back to when I became a mother.

For example. When I was about to turn 30, G asked what my heart’s desire would be.  I knew exactly what I wanted but I hemmed and hawed a bit before he got it out of me (I didn’t want to hurt his feelings!).  What I really wanted more than any thing on earth was a weekend by myself.  Keep in mind that at the time I had three kids under the age of five and a traveling, working-overtime husband.  I didn’t want any demands or agendas, not even a romantic weekend with my husband.  Just me, a stack of books, and 36 hours of my own free will and choice.  G (knowing me as he does) didn’t blink twice, just cleared his schedule and carried my bags to the car, waving as I headed south to an inn in rural Virginia.  I slept in, stayed up late, walked, took long drives around horse country, readreadread, and wrote pages and pages.  I wanted to figure myself out a bit, this new 30 version of me.

Nowadays I get my fill of me, of aloneness.  The kids are all gone during the day and now I miss having a little buddy tagging along with me.  Lately—probably because I’m past the high-intensity early years of mommying with those constant needs, full body contact, and sticky hands, beloved but constant—I’m going back to my more social roots (my parents attest that I was a very social girl!). My 40^th birthday happens this year and I'm finding that my dream of an ideal celebration has changed over the last ten years.  Now I’m dreaming of a getaway with a gaggle of people, much loud laughter and breezy conversation. 

 

With some quiet alone time built into the schedule, of course.

Do you know of any nunneries that host that kind of weekend?

Or maybe the lovely island of Alcatraz, with its private suites and city views?

Oh for the love of movies

I'm a bit of a movie geek.

I know nothing about film per se.

I just love movies.

I can work up quite a happy dance in anticipation of going to a good, old-fashioned cinematic experience.

(I may have occasionally written movie release dates on my calendar.)

And there are some beauties coming up this summer so I had to share:

Meet me on the fifth row (stadium seating please). I'll be the one with popcorn, junior mints, a diet coke, and a big smile, saving you a seat. (May or may not be doing the happy dance.)

I never...

Have you ever played that ice-breaker game?  

Where you say "I never....{whatever, but it needs to be true}" and you get points if you're the only one who never did that particular thing.

Shhh.  

Come closer. 

Here's mine:

I never read the Harry Potters.

I did read the first one aloud to Maddy and Sam but after that they sped through them on their own. And I never got around to reading the rest of them myself.

I know, a travesty in some households! I kind of wanted to relish them on my own time.  And to be honest, sometimes I kind of resist doing something that everyone is doing. It's my little secret snobbish--and silly--protest. 

Well the time has come, my friends.  Summer reading time. I'm on Book Three (Sam is so happy for me, it's very sweet). Go Harry and Ron. 

p.s. what's with the much cooler covers on the British versions?

Wringing the magic from the weekend

1. at Providence's WaterFire, 2. L, contemplative at dusk 3. easy picnic on Monday

4. L @ park 5. we love the park 6.gondola @ WaterFire

7. white legs playing games 8. Miss M 9. more games

10. G on his first holiday off since January 11. protective geese parents 12. crazy Sam

We got two hours of gardening work out of each child (yay!)

went to WaterFire

had a picnic

played badminton

saw Night at the Museum (kids)/Angels and Demons (grownups)

took naps, went on walks

did a lot of lazing

had reallyreally good burgers from our grill

had patriotic, thankful thoughts

and planned and dreamed.

A good restorative weekend, all in all.

Climbed a mountain & I turned around

Love this.

It's an anthem for many seasons in life
but I'd never heard it sung by children before

& it's a haunting fit.


Read more here.
Sending love to many people tonight.

Landslides come in many forms...

xo

My life's a little bit broken lately.

photo via Design is Mine

Just a little, though.  

Just enough that I haven't had anything much to post.  Enough so I shrug my shoulders, wonder what's the point? (laundry, cleaning, school, writing...) and go lower my expectations (often in the form of returning to bed).

You know when you have a cupboard that won't quite line up or a leak that's not major enough to call someone to get it fixed?  That's the low level of brokenness of my life.  The warranty on my sanity maybe just expired.

• I lost two credit cards this week.
  
• Broke my cell phone.
  
• Reportedly ruined my daughter's love life (having to do with refusing a not-yet-16 invitation to Jr. Prom)
  
• Made two back-to-back trips to Costco (40 minutes RT each--I forgot I had lost my credit cards)
• Waited for 30minutes for a friend who didn't show (awkward!)
  
• Had to give away our tickets for next Wednesday (to go to a fifth grade concert I forgot about on the same night, which I will love attending. But still.)
• Found that my blog posting well was empty (which is just as well since...)
  
• Have the blahs 
• And the weepies

All I know is, if I were a snake, I would want to wriggle out of my skin and start over, clean and new.

But I have a feeling maybe a three day weekend will also do the trick.

(Clap if you believe in the magic of weekends!  I do believe in weekends, I do, I do!)

[post script: I wrote this earlier in the week but never posted. Already things are looking up. A nice long weekend with the family does do wonders. Sometimes my moods are like the weather in England: wait a minute and it will change. Hope yours is doing wonders for you too.]

Recital day

Let's say you have a daughter

who makes things look easy

and has a cheery outlook

and a willing heart

so that

from the outside

others think everything 

comes easily,

effortlessly.

From your motherly vantage point

you know

that the placid facade sometimes 

belies

an anxious, worried interior

that invades her night-time dreams

and terrorizes quiet awake moments.

She still chooses difficult things.

She still chooses sunshine 

and defies the pointy, dark worries.

Feeling proud of Miss Maddy today

who rocked her Seitz concerto

in spite of some rocky, worried weeks.

Is there a more heart-filling feeling

than seeing someone you love do difficult things

with courage and grace?

Things I have been doing to avoid writing a report I need to do:

sitting outside in the sun

brushing the dog

reading books

sweeping

taking a nap

going for a walk

going to the gym

searching realtor.com listings for houses in places I want to (but never will) live

cleaning out my purse

organizing my computer desktop

uploading photos

pulling a few weeds, half heartedly

watching West Side Story

thinking of why I don't want to write the report

making lists

considering paint colors for our house exterior

deciding what to have for lunch

taking myself out to Subway for lunch

watching YouTube clips from my Facebook friends

asking Facebook friends how to overcome writer's block

thinking of ways to postpone the report's due date

sorting through the fridge contents

taking kids to orthodontist

clearing out my texts

reading about dog training

googling random names from my past

laundry and folding 

watching TiVo'ed Lost and 30 Rock

and

now

this

post.

I can be so productive when I'm avoiding something.

Report is due tomorrow

Dear adrenaline, you can kick in anytime.

help. I've fallen into procrastination and I can't get up!

Bostony weekend

In New England, we seem to wait all winter lonnnng (all 6.5 months of it) for a lovely, blooming weekend like the one we just had.  Now that the dreary grey and brown landscape has perked up again, I can fall a bit in love with New England again.  Blue skies (full disclosure: with a little showers in the morning). Sunny. Light breezes.  As luck would have it, when that particular kind of Saturday rolled around we had some great reasons to be out and about enjoying it.

March of Dimes walk in the morning along the Charles.

Red Sox game in the afternoon.

Holy Boston baked beans! Now I remember why we like it here...

Now if only the Sox had won that game... 14-5 isn't pretty (you can see Sam's dismay in one of the photos). Eh...you can't have everything.  And I think New Englanders secretly enjoy having something to gripe about. It brings us all together in misery:)

Less forest, more home

"Sometimes our life reminds me

of a forest in which there is a graceful clearing
and in that opening a house,
an orchard and garden,
comfortable shades, and flowers
red and yellow in the sun, a pattern
made in the light for the light to return to.
The forest is mostly dark, its ways
to be made anew day after day, the dark
richer than the light and more blessed,
provided we stay brave
enough to keep on going in."

~Wendell Berry, The Country of Marriage, III

Happy weekend: here's to less forest, more home.

The boys are going camping.

{So I guess more forest for them!}

The girls are enjoying time together and walking in the March for Babies 

{feel like you can throw $5 to the cause? click here}

Various and sundry social engagements for the daughters.

Baseball.

Mother's day.

Hats off to all you mothers and motherers!

Enjoy your lanyards.

photos via JF PLS's flickr

Adele and me

For our anniversary gifts to each other in February, G and I went through the schedules for events this year in Boston and chose a handful that we would enjoy together. (What a treat. I think we'll do it every year...it's the gift that keeps on giving! Plus it makes me feel zesty to be out on the town with my guy.)

One of the ones we (read=me. I influenced this decision.) chose was Adele, Saturday May 2nd at the Orpheum. Oh, I love me some Adele. As the night drew closer we started realizing we had a problem. Both of our babysitter daughters had commitments that couldn't be changed and Sam's too young to stay home alone. But we had a plan B. 

Which fizzled. 

And a plan C--that on Saturday became impossible.  G kindly offered to send me with a friend (the Celtics game 7 that night might have had something to do with his generosity) and I tried a few but it was a beautiful spring Saturday in May!  Everyone already had plans & it was too last minute.  Even when we offered both tickets to anyone who could go that night, no one nibbled.

I was so sad.

An hour before the concert started, I sat down to listen to the cd and have a little pity party. The boys were camped in front of the tv with the Celtics.

I listened to about 30 seconds (and had a Facebook conversation with Jen) and decided to just go.  By myself (gasp!).

I've done movies by myself without blinking. Traveled solo a bit.  I'm generally kind of a happy-go-lucky-by-myself kind of person.  Solo concert-going felt kind of...lonelyish. 

But.

Oh. My. 

It was so worth it. She is one of those artists who is incredible live.

So talented.  And heartfelt, emotional. And young (she turns 21 this week).

I had chills. And (I'll admit) some inspiration tears.

So I've been a bit obsessed* since, humming & playing her music.

And I found footage of the Orpheum concert so you can come with me (virtually):

This is a sneak preview of a song on her next album:

And my favorite (already posted here; I'm redundant), a cover of the Bob Dylan song:

Also good:
Best for Last
Right as Rain

I was so glad I went.
But sorry not to share it with someone.

{Until now!}

* also? I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this: Afterwards I waited a long time in line for the ladies' room.  When I came out of the theater there was Adele!  Getting into her bus!  What did I do?  Walk coolly away? No.  Take a picture? No camera.  No, I ran over and asked for her autograph and she signed my (two) tickets. I'm sure when I walked away she thought what's with the loser soccer mom who came alone? And I was thinking what am I going to do with two scraps of paper with a sharpie scrawl on them?  What can I say? I was dazzled.

For your cinco pleasure...

Try these!  This is what we're having tonight: My mom's famous swiss enchiladas.  They don't have swiss cheese in them.  And they're not from Switzerland. So I'm not sure what the story is about that, except it's an enchilada with a {heavenly! divine! wicked!} creamy white sauce.

Gather together a group of illustrious ingredients:

1 onion, chopped

1 T oil

2 c. chicken, cooked and chopped

1 can diced chiles

1 garlic clove, crushed

18 corn tortillas

1/2 c. oil

3 c. cream (light or heavy)

3 chicken bouillon cubes

cheddar/mozzarella/monterey jack cheese

Saute onion in oil until soft, then add chicken, chiles and garlic and simmer for 10 minutes.

Set aside.

This part is optional: Heat 1/2 c. oil in frying pan and quickly fry each of the tortillas, one at a time, flipping to fry both sides.  Place on paper towels to drain.

Meanwhile, heat cream and bouillon cubes in a saucepan at medium heat until cubes are dissolved.

Now for the enchilada assembly:  

Take a tortilla, 

dip it for several seconds in the cream mixture to soften.  

Lay it on a plate, 

add a spoonful of chicken mixture and a sprinkling of cheese, 

roll 

and place in a greased 9x13" casserole dish.  

Repeat for each tortilla until the pan is filled with rolled enchilada lovelies.  

Now (and this is important) pour the remaining cream mixture over the top and sprinkle with cheese.

Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes.  Mmmm.  Serve with topping options like avocados, tomatoes, sour cream, lettuce, and olives.

* * *

And if you're looking for a good read, try Rain of Gold by Victor Villasenor.  Two different people recommended it to me (thanks, Jen and Celia) and I just finished it yesterday.  It's a wonderful true family memoir/epic that reads like fiction.  Beginning around 1900 and the Mexican Revolution, the book separately follows two Mexican families (who eventually emigrate to the US) and their adventures, travails, joys, and heartbreaks as the two main characters finally find each other, fall in love, and become the author's grandparents.  I felt like I was sitting by the fire hearing a lifetime of family stories: love, revenge, meteors, gold finds, shipwrecks, bootlegging, journeys, desire, God, mysticism, work, family, life.   

{On a personal note, I kept wondering if my great grandfather knew--or just crossed paths with--any of the people in the book. He lived in northern Mexico at the turn of the century and had amazing stories of his dealings with Pancho Villa and Diaz (he was once kidnapped by rebels and then let go on Pancho Villa's urging). Just wondering.}

p.s. How embarrassing; I spelled cinco wrong in that last post. Oy.

Cinqo de Percy Jackson day

How can you resist a ten-year-old boy who, the first thing he says when he comes in breathlessly through the door after school is

"Can we go to the bookstore right now? Please Mom?  The 5th book is out today!"

You can't.  You really can't resist.

So, while we are definitely eating enchiladas and limeade, rolling our Rs, and hanging paper flowers (recycled from before) to celebrate Cinqo de Mayo...in the heart of one reader who is currently curled on the sofa flying through pages, this is cinqo de Percy Jackson day around here.

Last Lecture for now

Today was the last session of the human development course I taught this semester. To wrap it up, I asked the students to bring in something about a life story, real or fictional (novel/movie clip/article, etc.) to relate to some aspect of the course.  I loved what they came up with.  It ended up taking the whole class since everyone had given it such thought and had so much to say.  If you have a few minutes, the links (I starred the ones that were especially compelling) are wonderful:

• Father of the Bride 2 -- middle adulthood, Levinson's theories of midlife change
  
• The Perks of Being a Wallflower -- attachment, identity formation in adolescence (Erikson, Marcia)
  
• *Mean Girls clip (3:43-5:27)-- identity moratorium, adolescent social aggression
  
• Smashed -- Erikson's intimacy vs. isolation stage, inhibited by alcoholism
  
• song "Time of Your Life" -- developmental transitions, exceptions to set theory
  
• **About Schmidt final letter-- Erikson's ego integrity vs. despair in mid adulthood
  
• song Mr. Larkin by State Radio -- older adulthood, prejudice
  
• Old School -- exceptions to older adulthood preconceptions
  
• Goonies -- middle childhood Erikson's industry vs. inferiority stage
  
• *the Last Lecture -- loss, ego transendence, Erikson's generativity, 
  
• Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius -- early adulthood and Erikson's intimacy vs. isolation
  
• When I am an Old Woman -- older adulthood, theories of positive aging
  
• **The Giving Tree (2) -- lifespan development, attachment, Erikson's stages
  
• *Guys and Dolls -- (first few minutes of documentary of Lars and the Real Girl-type relationships) social work practice, culture/microculture, Erikson's intimacy/isolation 
  
• Tuesdays with Morrie -- ego transendence and generativity
  
• Archie comic book -- adolescence transition, scaffolding, conceptions of adolescence
  
• Dalai Lama -- moral development, ego transcendence, older adulthood, "good death"
  
• Mr. Rogers -- social learning theory, attachment
  

It feels so great to be done but I'm going to really miss that class, those students.  They were very patient & accepting of this green, nervous, shaky-voiced first-time prof.  

class of idealistic, passionate grad students + human development course content =

life affirming and hopeful alchemy